Anna David!!

I know that it has been a while since my last posting, but believe me, it was worth the wait. Anna David, author of the book Party Girl and famous sex and relationship advice giver, gave me an interview!! Can you believe it! Neither could I. I'm so grateful she took the time. Anyhow, I thought I'd share with you what she shared with me. Take a look:

The Sexy Wife: How did you get started in sex and relationship advice giving?

Anna David: I was a journalist toiling mainly for entertainment magazines when the sex columnist for New York magazine, Amy Sohn, emailed me and asked me if I'd be interested in writing a piece with her where we traded cities (I was in LA, she was in NY) and love lives for a week and wrote about it. She sold the piece to Playboy and all I really had to do was show up, get up to some crazy misadventures and then detail them. Because they ended up shooting us for the magazine (not nude, but certainly in some risque poses) and we also sold the rights to the piece (it was made into a reality show pilot for TBS), the piece got a lot of attention and, before I knew it, I was suddenly someone who wrote sex and relationship pieces. I took over Anka Radovich's column at Razor magazine and did that every month until the magazine folded. By the time that Attack of the Show came along and asked me to come on and answer sex and relationship questions with the show's co-host Olivia Munn, I'd also written first person pieces about my dating life for Movieline and The LA Times. Attack of the Show was just a one-day job originally but they were in the process of revamping the show and they liked what I did so In Your Pants became a regular segment.

The Sexy Wife: What inspired you to write your book?

Anna David: I'd been clean and sober for about five years and I knew that I wanted to write something about addiction and recovery that wasn't pedantic or preachy. Since I was more than familiar with the way the typical recovery memoir went -- bad addiction, the bottom, moment of clarity, recovery -- I knew that I tended to get really bored in those books as soon as the character got sober. So I decided I wanted to do something that was honest and unflinching but was also funny. When I got sober, my first job was working at Premiere magazine writing a column called Party Girl, which seemed rather ironic. While that column was basically just event coverage, It occurred to me that a good set up for a novel would be to give a newly sober girl a column called Party Girl where she'd have to detail all of her adventures, so she'd thus have to create a persona based on who she used to be.

The Sexy Wife: What advice to you have for an aspiring sex and relationship expert?

Anna David: If you're not going to get a masters in psychology or pursue some other kind of certification (there's a school in San Francisco that offers a program in sexology), I'd recommend that you start pitching relationship magazines. Try some regional ones or websites and get your clips together before you contact the more mainstream ones. While pursuing an advanced degree is the best way to get credibility, writing about sex and relationships is probably second best.

To learn more about Anna David, check out her blog at http://annalytical-annalytical.blogspot.com/ or her website, www.annadavid.com

When Good Sex Goes Bad

Does good sex go bad? How is that possible? Anybody who has been in a long-term, monogamous relationship will tell you that at some point they had sex issues with their partner. When you have sex with the same person over an extended period of time, lots of things are bound to happen. You will be embarrassed. You will feel totally nasty when the other person is in the mood. You will want to try things that your partner does not, and vice versa. Girls, you will see your man's porn collection, realize that it is massive, and be slightly shocked and dismayed. You will realize that you're "in the mood" times don't match up. You will feel like you're in a rut, having the same kind of sex ALL the time. So what's wrong with your relationship? Nothing at all.

Any time you spend an extended period of time with one person, you will get to know all of that person's good and bad points intimately. The same goes for sex. I personally have had my fair share of sex bloopers, as have we all. There's nothing wrong with that. There's also nothing wrong with being totally embarrassed, even though you normally feel extremely comfortable with the person you are having sex with. The best part? You can both laugh. Realize that it was funny. Be ready to laugh at yourself, fix the problem, and then get back to it!!

Sometimes with busy schedules it's hard to be in the mood at the same time as your partner. My husband and I have this problem all the time. Our solution? Talking. We talk to each other about how we feel, when we may want to have sex, and what we need to be able to have sex then. For instance, it's common for me to tell my husband, "I really want to have sex tonight, but I feel icky. Let me shower and then we can do it whenever you want." That way there are no mixed signals.

Feel like you're in a rut? Are you doing the same sex moves every time? On the one hand, you're both getting yours because you've clearly figured out this is what works for you. On the other hand, you know what's going to happen. Again, communicate. Don't tell your partner that they're boring you. Look up a cool new sex position that you'd like to try. Let you're partner know that you saw this cool thing in Cosmo (or in a porn maybe) and that you'd love to try it. Then try it. There's nothing wrong with trying new things. Just make sure you continue to incorporate some of the "old" things too.

I can't emphasize enough how important communication is, not only for your relationship, but for your sex life as well. You have to be open and honest. Don't be afraid to tell your partner that you want to try something new. At the same time, be open to their ideas. I mean, hey, that's how we're having threesomes. ;-)

Meeting People

In this day and age, it has become commonplace to meet people online, get to know them, and then meet them in "real" life. Gone are the days when guys and gals were forced to dress up and go out to bars and clubs to meet someone of the opposite sex. No more do we have to look at someone all night and not be able to muster the courage to talk to them, only to realize that the opportunity is lost. There is no more anxiety over wondering if you acted the fool while inebriated when you met someone for the first time. The internet also widens your dating pool. You're no longer limited to the same people you see all of the time. Now there are options. Technology has evolved and we have evolved with it.

But meeting people in this new way presents it's own challenges, not the least of which is that some people online are PSYCHO. Everyone has had the experience of meeting someone and realizing that the pictures you saw were about four years and 100 pounds ago. There are plenty of true horror stories out there that I won't even get into. Caution is certainly in order.

However, not all is lost! For every horror story, then are plenty of good stories. I met my husband online. A friend of mine met her long-time live-in boyfriend online. I've personally heard several other true stories of people meeting online and developing a serious relationship. Personally, I love the fact that I met my husband online. We were able to chat and get to know each other before we met in person. While we were attracted to each other and the pictures we sent each other, it helped us to develop an attraction on a deeper level first. We lived several hundred miles apart, and we never would have met had we not chatted online.

Meeting someone in person who you've only met online is certainly a different experience. Odds are, you already know a fair amount about that person. You've already connected, so it eliminates the awkward moments of what you should say or how you should say it and worrying if you're offending the other person. While it can still be nerve-racking, I think it's preferred.

The moral of my post? Love the internet. Embrace it. Meet people online. Chat with them. Talk on the phone. Meet in person (in public places). You never know who you will meet.

Threesomes!!!

Threesomes are every guy's fantasy (the good kind anyway). If your man tells you that he's never fantasized about being with two women at the same time, he's lying to you!! Quite frankly, a lot of women are into that too. A lot of other women have a problem with that. Threesomes very easily get complicated. And then there's something of a double standard. How so? Well, if a guy is with two girls, then he's "the man." If a girl is with two men, then she's "a slut." Not fair if you ask me.

Threesomes easily get complicated because it's easy for someone's feelings to get hurt. It's hard to find a balance in how much attention to pay to each person and if someone feels they were slighted, it's all over. It's especially difficult for people in a committed relationship. Personally, even though I had always wanted to be with a woman, it made me feel inadequate that my husband wanted to be with another woman too. It's important for a couple to sit and have a serious conversation about what exactly their feelings are about a threesome, what they are looking for, and what their boundaries are. Then they need to decide if they will be able to honor all of those things. For instance, if the girl doesn't feel comfortable with her man actually having sex with another woman, but it's his fantasy to actually fuck both of them, there could be a problem.

When Chris and I decided to try to have a threesome, it took a lot of discussion. We had to talk through exactly what we wanted and what each of us was comfortable with. Chris loves to see me with another woman, even if he doesn't participate. I, however, had hangups and a few things I wasn't comfortable with Chris doing. Then it took a while to find someone to have a threesome with. We have very different taste in women, so we had to find a girl we were both attracted to. She had to be someone who agreed to our rules and (at least my first time) was willing to take it slow. It took a while, but we did finally find her.

I was so nervous that evening!! We all sat on the couch and talked for a little bit, and imbibed a little liquid courage. Then Chris took me in the bedroom and had me take off my clothes and he blindfolded me and laid me on the bed. Then he went and got the other girl. Your senses are always heightened when you're blindfolded, and it felt incredible to have two sets of hands on my and two mouthes covering my body in kisses. When they each started sucking on one of my nipples, I went crazy. Chris took charge and sort of "directed" things in a way he knew I would enjoy. It was so great to feel a woman go down on me. It's definitely a different experience. By the time they had finished ravaging me, I was exhausted!! Then I asked if he would fuck her. They both made sure I was okay with it, and it was amazing!!! I never thought it would be so hot to watch my husband be with another woman, but it got me so hot to make out with her and play with her tits while he fucked her!

I'd have to say that our experience was great. I learned a lot about myself and what I like in the process. And I can't wait to do it again!